This is Mental Health Awareness Week, and the theme for this year is anxiety, which, like most mental health conditions, is an invisible disorder which many people find hard to understand. As anyone who knows me well will be aware, I suffer from severe generalised anxiety disorder, together with obsessive compulsive disorder.
I’m on medication, and I’ve seen psychologists and psychiatrists, and I know all the things that you’re supposed to do; but they don’t really work. In addition to constantly being convinced that everything that can go wrong will go wrong, I do a lot of strange things. I live in constant fear of something breaking, and lose it completely if something does break: I even get up feeling stressed, in case something’s not working. I go around turning things on and off, even though I don’t want to use them, just to check that they’re working. Several times a day. I’ve been known to stop four times on the way back from somewhere, so that I can check that Facebook check-in is picking up locations correctly, and to go for a drive just to check that the car sat nav is working. I once went for a drive in my nightie, to check that the maps app on my phone was working. I go into cafes and pay for drinks that I don’t want, just to check that the wi-fi connects. If the zip on my coat gets slightly stuck, I unzip and rezip it half a dozen times afterwards. Etc etc etc.
I always get everywhere way too early, because I’m so frightened of being late. I’m constantly checking that I haven’t lost my phone, purse or keys. I’m always worried that I’ve accidentally offended someone. I can’t abide dogs, because the noise of barking sets my nerves on edge. I get very stressed in queues and at traffic lights because I feel trapped and out of control, and I struggle in the office because I feel trapped and sometimes other people won’t get out of my face. If I’ve got a lot to do, I have to make a list including even the smallest things, or else I can’t cope. If I’m going anywhere, I have to plan it out meticulously: I can’t just get up and go. Sometimes I feel stressed and even I don’t know what I’m worrying about. I am basically a nightmare. I get on my own nerves, so goodness knows how much I get on other people’s!
And a lot of people just don’t get it. People understand physical illnesses, but not mental illnesses. And yet one in ten people in the UK suffers with an anxiety disorder. It’s more common in women than in men, but men can be affected too. If you’re also someone who suffers from anxiety, you have my sympathy and my understanding, and please shout if there’s ever anything I can do to help. If you’re not, you’re lucky, and please try to support those who do. It’s not funny to wind an anxious person up – and it’s amazing how many people think it is – and, even if you can’t understand their anxiety, at least accept that it exists and that it’s very hard to cope with.
And, if you’ve read this, then thank you.
#anxiety #mentalhealthawarenessweek
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